The Suicide Crisis

Some personal and communal recommendations

Kikar Shabbat has a shocking article, which has not appeared in the English press: (Translated via AI)

"People Are Ending Their Lives in Unimaginable Ways" | The Letter Shaking the U.S.

Rabbi Yitzchak Mordechai Brach, a senior figure in the Chevra Kadisha (burial society) in New York, has issued a scathing letter addressing the horrifying phenomenon of suicide within the Haredi community in the U.S. He is calling for the urgent establishment of crisis support centers. According to him, rabbis are in denial and actively concealing these tragedies.

Rabbi Brach Sounds the Alarm on a Growing Crisis:

Following a series of tragic incidents, particularly within the Haredi community in the U.S., Rabbi Yitzchak Mordechai Brach—head of the "Chesed Shel Emet" Chevra Kadisha and director of the Yereim Funeral Home in New York—has issued a strong and urgent letter condemning what he describes as a "suicide epidemic."

In his letter, Rabbi Brach warns in stark terms about a crisis that, according to him, is spreading at an alarming rate and is being covered up by the rabbinic establishment.

"They tell the public stories about accidents, but we—the members of the Chevra Kadisha—know the truth," Rabbi Brach writes. "Every week, we witness heartbreaking cases of people ending their lives in ways that are simply unimaginable."

A Call to Action: Stop the Denial, Start Saving Lives

Rabbi Brach expresses deep frustration over the way rabbinic leadership is handling the crisis:

"Instead of establishing support teams and discussing real solutions, the rabbis deny, erase, and invent stories. They talk about aneurysms, heart attacks, and accidents—but not about the painful reality happening beneath the surface."

In a heartfelt plea to Haredi community leaders, Rabbi Brach urges them to acknowledge the truth and stop covering it up:

"You would do well to admit the reality and stop hiding it. Come down from your high mountain, look around, and see what is happening. This is a real emergency."

He insists on the urgent need to establish mental health support centers in every city and to end the stigma surrounding seeking help:

"People are suffering from depression and losing their joy for life. If we open treatment centers and encourage people to seek help, we can save lives."

This is horrible, and I will not do what others have done and blame any crisis on whatever personal pet peeve they have. Additionally, it is very likely that the Chareidi suicide rate is far lower than the general population, though true numbers are hard to come by due to the secrecy involved.

(Edit: The Lakewood Scoop reports by way of R Zvi Gluck: 25 suicide attempts with 16 succcessful, with one attempt being as young as ten years old!)

Furthermore, I have to say that the rabbanim are making the right choice here, though perhaps inadvertently. Awareness of suicide as an acceptable option can increase suicide rates significantly. It’s contagious, and it is a good thing these acts were not publicized.

Finally, many of these people were likely getting mental help. What drove them to suicide is usually a combination of many factors, and there usually isn’t stigma in getting the help, it’s having people around you accept you for who you are after you get help.

That is not to say that we cannot make some changes. I am not a rav or a gadol, merely a mental health professional by trade, so while I will not attempt to create new communal guidelines, here is some stuff we can personally change as individuals or communities.

1. Never, ever say “I’d rather you die than do X”. It doesn’t matter what X is. Maybe the person you are speaking to has done it. When it comes to suicide, we all need to be atheists and pretend the next world doesn’t exist while the person is still alive.

2. When someone says they are overwhelmed and wish they could die, take them seriously. It is probable they are just venting. But always ask if they have a plan or have tried in the past. If yes, get a professional involved immediately. Even if not, make sure the person gets help if this is a common thought. And never use such an expression if you don't mean it seriously.

3. Allow more space for people to be themselves. A large part of suicidality is the feeling of being trapped. If someone feels that they cannot be who they are where they are and feel trapped, help them find a place where they can be ok, even if it is a hashkafic change. Don’t judge someone going through hashkafic change.

4. Abuse and the shame surrounding it is often a factor. Help change the culture to remove the stigma of reporting abuse. Don’t use Moser or similar terms for one who reports. And make it clear to those you love that they can tell you anything without you judging them - and make your personally match that.

5. Adding on to this: The frum community really needs to change its overall approach to homosexuality-related issues. This is entirely unrelated to changes in halacha or the so-called gay agenda. The frum community ostensibly believes that homosexuality is a mental disorder. Let’s not even change that (although we should). Why then, would a bochur rather tell his rebbe, parents or friends that he has OCD, bipolar, or anxiety than to ever, ever admit that he is gay? Even to go OTD is better in the eyes of many than being celibate, gay and frum. There is no reason for this. It should be socially ok for someone to discreetly tell a shadchan “I’m gay and I need a wife that is ok with that” or “I’m gay so I am not pursuing shidduchim”. Of course, in todays frum community, that is social suicide. No wonder that that many end up wanting to commit suicide as well. On a personal level, it’s simple: Don’t make gay jokes, innuendo, mock gay people, or put them down. You never know who may be gay and is listening. Do express empathy, even when saying that halacha is halacha. If our community was actually ok with “it’s ok to be gay but not act on it” we’d be in a much better place. We are unfortunately not, but on a personal level, everyone can help with this.

6. We need better leadership. Many of our most pressing issues that drive people to helplessness could be avoided with better planning and better societal structure. For example, women are extremely overworked, financial planning is a nonstarter, people grew up in a system that relies on the shver’s money - and the shver does not have it anymore, and of course the shidduch crisis has only just started to be addressed now. That’s not to mention the horrible stigma associated with reporting abuse that I and many others in the field have felt due to community culture and certain rabbanim. I don’t want this to be a pet peeve rant, so I’ll save this one for another post. Mainly, on a personal level, pick rabbanim who have communal experience, not yeshiva experience, and follow them.